My last newsletter focused on raising boys and working with young men. (For copies of previous newsletters, please go to the newsletter archives.) This is on adult men. Across the country there is growing attention on engaging men at the moment, and certainly we cannot end male violence without men being involved. But which men? What are our vision and goals, and how do men fit into our strategies? And how do we relate to men who are already involved in activism but are not dealing with sexism and male privilege?

Fortunately there is much discussion about these issues and a new generation of younger men involved in engaging and mobilizing men as allies in efforts to end sexism and male violence. Much of this work is supervised or advised by women in battered women’s or rape prevention agencies, in women’s centers on campuses, or by grassroots women activists. My sense is that there is a lot of experimentation going on, if not yet much strategic clarity. But I am hopeful at the new level of energy and focus. I hope that the resources in this newsletter and on the website will support that work.

The letter below is something I wrote to address individual men in communities that I live, work and play in because we still, all too often, assume that “our” men have it together and are safe and non-abusive in their personal interactions.

There are four levels of men’s work that guide my efforts. The first is the ongoing personal work that all of us who are male identified must do to unlearn our male socialization, to grow into our full humanity, and to be more effective allies to women and to all those exploited, oppressed, and violated. The second level of men’s work is to work with other men. The letter above is a tool I use for challenging other men. The third level is raising, teaching, coaching, and mentoring the boys and young men in our lives. And the fourth is the anti-sexist political organizing, mobilizing, prevention, education, and advocacy work to change institutions, organizations, and public policy. In my last issue I had an exercise we used at the Oakland Men’s Project to help boys and men understand the powerful conditioning to act like a man. That socialization is painful, stunting, and leads to violence. But the other side of male socialization is the benefits we’re promised if we live up to the standards. Although these benefits vary a lot for individual men depending on their class, race, sexual orientation, immigrant status or physical and mental abilities and disabilities, all men gain very substantial concrete benefits from sexism vis-à-vis comparable women. The following exercise is a tool for helping men understand what male privilege is all about.

Please stand up (or if you’re unable to stand, raise your hand to indicate agreement) if the following statement applies to you:

1. Your forefathers, including your father, had more opportunities to advance themselves economically than your foremothers.
2. Your father had more educational opportunities than your mother.
3. The boys in your extended family, including yourself, had more financial resources, emotional support or encouragement for pursuing academic, work or career goals than the girls.
4. You lived in or attended a school district where the textbooks and other classroom materials reflected men as the normal heroes and builders of the United States, and there was little mention of the contributions of women to our society.
5. You attend or attended a school where boys were encouraged to take math and science, called on more in class, and given more attention and funding for athletic programs than girls.
6. You received job training, educational or travel opportunities from serving in the military.
7. You received job training in a program where there were few or no women, or where women were sexually harassed.
8. You have received a job, job interview, job training or internship through personal connections with other men.
9. You worked or work in a job where women made less for doing comparable work or did more menial jobs.
10. You work in a job, career or profession, or in an agency or organization in which there are few women in leadership positions, or the work has less status because women are in leadership positions.

Books and Magazines

Reaching Men: Strategies for Preventing Sexist Attitudes, Behaviors and Violence by Rus Ervin Funk
The Macho Paradox, Why Some Men Hurt Women and How All Men Can Help by Jackson Katz
Hey Dude, You’re a Fag by CJ Pascoe
Voice Male Magazine

Videos

Beyond Beats and Rymes by Byron Hurt
Tough Guise by Jackson Katz

Organizations

A Call to Men
Connect
Men’s Resource Center for Change
Men Can Stop Rape
Men Stopping Violence
Mentors in Violence Prevention
White Ribbon Campaign

In May, Paul and his colleague, Nell Myhand, prepared the training team in Berks County, PA to lead their first ever summer PeaceWorks Camp for high school students. In honor of their work the training team planted three trees, one at the camp site, one at an elementary school, and one at the lead church sponsoring the camp.

Then in June, Paul joined thirty other men who work on mobilizing men to end men’s violence from around the country to build a support network for men doing this work and to explore whether a more formal collaborative organization or some other ongoing effort would be useful in supporting women’s work to end men’s violence. This gathering was sponsored by the Waitt Family Foundation. Chad Keoni Sniffen took this picture of the men involved.

We have updated our articles and resources pages to include exercises and articles on Men’s Work including:
The Ally Pledge
Creating Families
Creating Relationships
Men’s Movements